You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
