Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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