he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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