I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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