My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
