His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
did i just pee glitter
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
