Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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