when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
