Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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