mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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