there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
