You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
