Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
