i always forget guys have bellybuttons
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
