I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize