Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
