it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
