Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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