listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
