i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish life had little blips of pornography
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
