Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
