i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
