Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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