this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize