how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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