They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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