dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
