i just had sex bonerless
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
