tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
