Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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