can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
