im about as happy as oj after his trial
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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