she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
