Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
