...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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