Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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