aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
