I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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