you told grandpa to call you daddy
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I wish there were birth control emojis
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
