I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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