It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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