before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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