is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
