There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
