ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
