Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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