Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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