I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
