Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
