video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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