Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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