Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
