This is the prime rib incident all over again
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
