At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
