I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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