You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
