Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
