Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
