Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
