We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
