that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
