My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
