I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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